I turned a year wiser seven days ago to be exact and to be honest, I had the birthday blues days before. There is something about birthdays that makes you vulnerable and emotional I guess. I am nearing the big 4-0 just a very few years away. =( And birthdays are usually a time of assessing where one has gone through life.
A few weeks before we had a High School Reunion. While it was nice to see everyone again and catch up, I can't help but compare my life with the others. There were some who were equally single (but there are few of us), some are separated, most are married with kids. Sigh! there you go... I'm like " Lord, this is not how it was supposed to be.". While I did bid my time coz I knew it was meant to happen anyway, I didn't expect to wait this long. Ideally, I should be happily married by now, maybe have 2 kids (or more), have our own house and living happily ever after but here I am, single, currently not even in a relationship, no kids either. I have a dog. Feels frustrating and lonely even. Couldn't help but think, "what is wrong? why? Am I not worth it?". I am single but not by choice but there just isn't anybody yet and I'm still waiting. I keep praying and I even claimed and thank Him already but it isn't happening yet. Are my prayers not getting passed the ceiling? Times like this makes me want to just abandon everything I believe in and held on to. I feel like a child who is griping because I could not get what i want...
I can choose to loose faith and loose sight over the good things He has blessed me with or I can choose to be grateful and look at how much I am blessed.
I have a family who loves me truly, My dad is alive and healthy, I have wonderful friends who surround me, I live a comfortable life with a stunning view, I am able to go to places I want to go, there is food in the table, there's enough to buy medicine, i may not be in the best of health but I am not seriously sick. I may not have everything I want right now but I certainly have all that I need. So I choose the latter and I hang on to his word. His timing and choice, not mine for He is faithful. =)